On This Day

Today My Grandfather

There he gave his life
It's Richard's birthday today ( September 28, 1906)
He would be older than the century that held his life

Happy Birthday to a man that lived
A life so very difficult in East Tennessee
That it reminds me now of kids I teach in this world so far away from then.

Lacking the ability to introduce him
To his great grand kids I am
Introducing them to just these memories of mine that are fading.

He used to say to me "Give me some sugar."
Nuzzle your cheek and take your hand
To share the land he worked, you'd go for a happy walk talk in silence

Actually my Grandfather was quiet, but teaching always
Calm, like water in the palm
When we talked it mattered, life distilled

Grandpa survived in ways most don't even vaguely care or
Understand this day.
Growing, factory, butchering, canning, events of doing.

He'd get me real milk.
That's a secret we had, he knew I'd balk at the cow's taste
Suppose I just told him as a kid would it was yucky, truthful

A chick caught my interest when I was five
and a hen sought to kill me for it
Grandpa always penned them after that, remembering his grin.

I reminded him of his mother, he said
Who wed the man that shot his dad
His Dad who tried to stop that man from beating his dog senseless

His was the life of fire on the mountain
He worked at "the plant" in town all week
Had seven children that still survive

I recall us eating blueberries and cream
At an oiled red checkered tablecloth
In a kitchen with a wood burning stove

He didn't take to hand outs or others
Doing for him refusing indoor plumbing
Because it wasn't from his own efforts, but as a gift from his kin

We went up on Bald Mountain once, huge beautiful chunks of marble are on that site
He, uncle and my father, the men, dealt with a flat tire and no spare
Somehow in fury they aimed a great deal of anger womanward.

I saw that, the fierceness of those men
The rawness of the angers in a truly difficult situation
But you saw too the protectiveness, they accepted the job of hunters.

He wore shirts that I loved to put my nose in
My affinity for white shirts goes to this Grandpa
With the stiff starch it was simple inhaling love

Once I opened the big door of our faculty apartment to see a man
He was holding a few clothes on hangers
I yelled to my mom the laundry man was here

Grandpa laughed. He had actually
Boarded a bus to come see me at four
To come to be my playmate and we colored our pictures.

When I was nine he did that again, he seldom left his mountains that envelope and smother you
He came and took me downtown (on the buses I rode with my driver buddies)
We walked and I admired a pile of rings strewn in the window of Yagle's Jewelery

He said "Wait a minute." I really thought
He was going inside to perhaps use the restroom
Coming out he gave me the ring I admired.

He bought me that without a question. I was mortified.
I thought "My father is going to kill me."
He said "It'll be our secret."

It was a ruby ring, it was on my hand until my thirties.
It is still our secret because it was the most
Spontaneously kind thing I ever knew.

My grandpa is turning today to travel the sun again.
But he is many years gone from living it, felled by a stroke and cancer.
I missed the end of his life, my father taking this

The high price of divorce fell on the kids that got
Treated to my father's destructive lies.
It would have been impossible to reconcile my words into his pot there, so we were kept away.

I saw grandpa in his casket after four years of no contact, looking so small, frail and stonelike
Waiting the judgment he talked to me about
The elemental truth he knew was: living is harsh.

Judgment would be harsher still.
He wasn't gilting the lily on that.
He lay there as if in cloud of anger waiting it and I felt so lost to assuage this.

My grandfather was gone away to the rock froze ground he tilled
Harsh wind on a country hill where his men laid him that day in the freezing eternity of stone.
Unakite actually. Which is marbled with color and polished as a jewel, but just rock, rare. Like him.*

His kids went to be teachers, PHD's , be in service all, run factories
Hold positions in Kodak, be artists, nurses, nuclear plant specialists, mathematicians.
He birthed physicists, pharmacists, leaders and lovers. Workers.

In his children and their children and their children
Are the things that he , himself, did not get to do
Go to libraries, drive sedans, fly airplanes, chose upholstery.

He did not walk the golf courses of a luxury or line up his drive.
No, grandfather worked the land, fished, and kept the children
Alive so that all of us could have all that we have.

My grandfather sacrificed for his family
He read the Bible as his book, he looked hard at the lessons
He looked uniquely at the texts and from this extracted things he shared.

He told me that I was to treat others with respect.
He told me to look at actions, told me to be proud of my artistic talents.
He valued that he said.

Gifts. He spoke of gifts.
He considered me a gift. He considered children as our most precious
Treasures and he took time with his butterball my cousin

And all the kin he had owe him our lives,
My grandfather Richard's birthday is today
And I'm celebrating him in a place he did not know.

In the poem and land of a typing ethernet
A price of walless brain wave and emotional dysfunction
Far from his hands that knew well this land.

Happy Birthday Grandfather.



*The granodioritic gneiss unit crops out in a band trending northeast from the Tennessee-North Carolina state line through Sioux to the Nolichucky River. Historically, these rocks have been called the Cranberry Granite, Beech Granite, and unakite. Unakite is known for its bright pink, red, dark green and white to bluish gray colors. Collectors who often polish their specimens into attractive lapidary pieces seek samples of unakite.

A new set ( incomplete)

You said nothing
When the whirl of critics mouth
Busted holes in heart
Blood running through that park
My way by the gasoline station
You said nothing

When the applesauce jar boiled
Over the rim sliding down
Laughing at my burning hands
The ruined floors
You said nothing
(after looking on)

The marks of inelegant
Rejection in words
Unsmithed it lay open
Crows cawing the
Ever darkening accusations
You said nothing

Clouded by this
Pursuit of
Just attitude or moorings
I accepted nothing
To be said

While silent
The dew dried
Cerebral fog lifted
The one that spoke
Appeared.

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Pink Aquarium, Rain, Love

The aquarium I keep for my 1st graders is pink.
It kind of matters to them with frogs, fish
hey, it's cool.
We have a plecostomus that has grown four inches
He's so big.
Over the winter break someone turned off the power
for two days to the filters, so that they burned out in coming back on,
This is exciting to explain but you have to feed water
Into them starting them up.
They were probably doing some electric check in my room on the
Computers that don't work and so now the few fish left alive are dying.
Or maybe someone just decided to kill my tank.

Try thinking about that the night before school starts.

I'm a teacher, not a savior and so they are just dead.


It's raining outside and it's late and I'm sitting here
Covered with fish water, as I bleakly in vain tried changing the water.
So it's not working.

I'm listening to the rain...drip. Pouring now.

I have no meter.
I'm out of rhyme.
My smile is not good.
And I'm in love with a mime.

Actually I'm in love with a shadow.
Who would probably find this humorous if only for the
Fish germs that I splashed all over myself
And I used words not allowed in school finding this
Wreck of the 1st grade hindenberger.
And then topping that off I'm watching them die.

Were you ever in love with someone?
Someone that was "unattainable" ? And perhaps
A bit of the problem was also that it reminded you of all the other screw up
things in your rather impressive list of screw ups in your life?

Rain reminds me of a funny story. Not about fish.
I used to walk in my hometown. Long
Impressive distances. Like 15 miles to the mall. I had no car
And maybe I walked out of need to move.
I walked to the mall at least 15 miles away but it began to pour and I missed the last bus.
I had no money but the drivers knew me, just missed it.
So I walked. Had to cut over a huge hill and through an area of fields.
In West Virginia, Morgantown, think
Major fields.

I got in thick mud. Which was hard. I was littler then.
My foot went in and the mud took my shoe. It sucked my shoe away. No fishing it out.
So I walked with a bare foot through the rain another, umm ten miles home.
No one noticed at home. It was about 45 degrees. I got sick later from it.
That feeling is how I feel about telling the kids about this tank.
And how it feels this happened.
And how it feels, my love , to know

You are there but I can never know where.
It's raining and I'm headed out.

The Ganges

Following this...



I never could drink.
But I never could say no to pie, butter, cream. A chip.
And self medication I think I understand that.
But I could never tolerate medicine, not for a second.
Which is why I don't take what I need to.
I have a no, no , no, switch resisting being controlled
By all of it.

I'll be reminded here of the poisoning in my life of Demerol.
When I went in a hospital with peritonitis, after a hysterectomy and got 17 gone days in a vein.
Doctor's orders.
Until I disappeared and took 3 years crawling away from how awful it felt.
Opiates. Yeah. i don'tmess wit them.
Pretty much it takes a long time to
Pull yourself out of poisoning.
So understand withdrawal. I understand the pain of those
Dark days because I had to do it.
With my kids, alone, with my work.
And all I did was fall over with a gastro bleed, after a surgery
After trying really hard for a week for care as infection grew
And in horrible though I hate to say it usual pain and wake up to pull
It out of my arm and then go home to be chased in dreams
By a devil, satan in my head so vivid christ
I woke up to sleep, I was protecting a child.
I knew we were both going to die.
But I wanted to protect her.
I still do shelter inside that nameless faceless child.
No doctor then would even speak to me.
Same now it seems.
And my husband felt his needs "weren't being met."
No kidding a******
Or as he said today, I don't do enough work.
And I work constantly.
(this sounds the voice interior of addiction , do you recognize it now?)


In college I had a time someone didn't even
Remember me after a nice evening of being charming.
Nothing really. I've seen it since.
Except that I so liked them and alcohol wiped my face away.
My name became someone else named sally.
And it was if there had been no day.
His parents were the same way, they did that.
His dad caught at work under the desk with
an awful person, not playing checkers.
His mom drinking from a thermos at school.
Sad and I saw it.

Put something in my head early on.
They were good people. Well, maybe not always.
And kind of not fully present. Well not after 5.
Very bright and capable but hurting too.
It's kind of hard to know you don't have your face.
But you really don't, I learned that.
And I've seen this in the lives of the kids I teach.
They are damaged by drinking, often brain damaged.
I'm teaching a child like that now.
He ran in front of a car.
He can't figure out not to take off running.
Can't name colors, can't order things.
It's all a jumble.
His mom was self medicating away her teen angst.
So he is here, but not really.

I walked through San Diego last night
Everyone was in the clubs, just jammed with strutting men and undressed women.
It was virtual and so very loud.
And in a few hours full of arguments, punches, bouncers, police,
Ready for another saturday night and i ain't got nobody
As the brain was blurred into feeling no pain.
and maybe getting a little
I was walking and mostly avoiding people walking into me or falling.
Future parents. Meeting special someone.
Bars with licenses to get everyone happy.
Or if they are pregnant happy and dumb damaged kids.

And I was walking. It's really a kind of poison.
I wish it wasn't.
And that it would help.
So I went and watched this because it was something
I read about. I don't know how to help
This video virtual person nor why he would be hoping, but he is.
For speaking about how he stumbled through it. Brave that.
I just kept thinking.
If we made life a little different maybe this wouldn't
Get so extreme. Not hurt like this. Maybe.
Maybe we could not allow it to be so hard either.
Oh...my poem. I finally got here to it.

The Ganges,
for a friend


Opened up my hotel fridge for a water
Little bottles colored like ornaments,
there it was flowing like the Ganges.


Exactly like the filth in the Ganges.
One drink of that is a poison too.
But it alludes to the mysteries of mind and man,
Soul travel and release.
Freedoms and prisons.
A place to bury the dead and try to wash away
The sins of your fouled living.
Filled with the sewage wastes of life
Dumped into the sanctity of your mind.
Takes you where you do not know.
Where you cannot want to go.
You ride the river Ganges my friend.
With the stench of the filth of our need to escape on this river
All over you.

Songs of Solomon

Bells

Bells are ringing in the village

Bells are ringing in my head

Bells are ringing in the village

Bells are ringing for the dead

I’m Sleeping in my Hummer now

I’m Sleeping in my Hummer now

Wake up to a bad dream

Little road-side bomb it seems

Wake up to a bad dream

Little improvised device it seems

My Luck it may be running out

My Luck it may be running out

Bells are ringing in the village

Ring my ass home instead

Bells are ringing in the village

Bells are ringing for the dead

^(Em) As the deep velvet night starts ^(C) to close on in

When the ^(em) peace and quiet comes ...I am ^(C) alone again

And the ^(Em) people slip from my ^(C) mind’s past

^(B7) I am empty.... ^(Am) I am alone at last

^(Em) Walking along the deep blue ^(C) waters edge

^(Em) I cling close to a dark and narrow ^(C) mountain ledge

^(Em) But no matter how I wander still it ^(C) comes right to my mind

^(B7) Babe I can’t get you ^(Am) out of my mind

^(Em) Forever in an instant you ^(C) became my greatest love

And I can ^(Em) see an angels face high in the ^(C) sky up above

Can you ^(Em) hear how in the silence my ^(C) lonely heart it sighs

In my ^(B7) mind forever captured is an ^(Am) image of your eyes

(instr.)

Chorus::

^(Em) For as long as the stars in the ^(C) cosmos still will shine

There will ^(Em) be a piece of you in me ^(C) that’ll last the test of time.

^(Em) And no matter where on earth you go ^(C) you take my heart with you know

^(B7) So take it slow...

^(Am).And let it flow

Back in

Your ^(Em) heart

^(Em) As these people of the earth and the ^(C) earth itself grows old

You must be ^(Em) vigilant and open lest your ^(C) heart it might grow cold

And though we’re ^(Em) sure to suffer wounded as we ^(C) past through veils of years

^(B7) We must listen to our heart strings ^(Am) as they talk to us in tears

I want you ^(Em) near

^(C) This is clear

^(Em) I need you near

^(B7) So take it slow

^(Am) And let it flow

Back in

Your ^(Em) heart

::

^(Em) For as long as the stars in the ^(C) cosmos still will shine

There will ^(Em) be a piece of you in me ^(C) that’ll last the test of time.

^(Em) And no matter where on earth you go ^(C) you take my heart with you know

^(B7) So take it slow...

^(Am).And let it flow

Back in

Your ^(Em) heart

As the deep velvet night close in/ the peace and the quiet...I am alone again/

All the people I once knew in the past/ nothing to hold me.... I am alone at last/

Walking along the deep blue waters edge/ Wandering thru dark narrow mountains ledge/

But no matter where I wander still I find/ Woman I cannot get you out of my mind/ (instr.)/

of anyone i knew you were my greatest love/ I see your angels face in the sky above/

can you hear how in the silence my heart sighs/ and in my mind i can't escape

your precious eyes/

(instr.) chorus; for as long as the stars will shine/ they'll be a pice of you with me for all time/ and no matter where on earth you go/ you take a little of my heart you know/ so take it slow...

.an let me flow.........into you............

and though these people and the earth grow old/ You must be carefull lest your heart grow cold/ an though we all get wounded thru the years/ we must stay close to our heart n' to our tears/

I want want you near...... this is clear..........I want you near.........( to chorus, to instr.,,, to end)

Don’t Beat Round The Bush

Don’t beat round the bush

Just tell me it is

You can tell me it isn’t

Ain’t none of my biz

Don’t beat round the bush

Just tell me a story

One chalk full of heroes

One raging for glory

Don’t beat round the bush

Just tell me it is

You can tell me bout anything

I am bound to believe

Don’t beat round the bush

Just spin me a yarn

I’m looking for wool

In a haystack of barns

And I didn’t find it

No I didn’t find it

No I never find it

It ain’t there to find

Don’t beat round the bush

Just tell me it is

You can tell me it isn’t

Ain’t none of my biz

Every Time I See A Butterfly

Every time I see a butterfly

I think of you I see your eyes

I think of love so beautiful

I think of love so free

Every time I see a butterfly

I think of you I see your eyes

I think of you I think of me

And how you love so beautifully

Every time I see a butterfly

And watch it sail the deep blue sky

I know that you watch over me

And all the while you sail so free

Every time I see a butterfly

I think of you I see your eyes

I think of love so endless pure

And once again my heart does stir

Fathers and Sons II

Fathers and sons

They’ve written

Blood pearls into stones

On the bullet

Hard they’ve bitten

Once together now alone

One becoming

One transforming

One exploding

One conforming

In his eyes

There’s all they need to know

Fathers and sons

They’ve trampled

Empty fields into skyscrapers

At the end

Of a long, long barrel

Never had the legal papers

One divulging

One concealing

One driven slow to illness

One looking low for healing

In their eyes

There’s all I need to know

Head in the Sand

What’s that you saw today

The people being buried by the man

The waters wild are running

Pull your head out of the sand

What’s that you heard today

Illegal footsteps elude the man

They die in the deserts daily

Pull your feet out of the sand

What’s that you smelled today

The bodies rot inside your van

Ignore sound of levees breaking

Pull your head out of the sand

What’s that you taste today

Your Texas BBQ is grand

Vacationing while others die

Pull your head out of the sand

I never thought I’d see the day

A wind would blow our minds away

A rain would pour like never ‘fore

And we would learn to cry some more

Head in the Sand

G C G

What’s that you saw today

D G

The people buried by the man

C G

The wild waters they are running now

D G

C’mon now pull your head out of the sand

C G

What’s that you heard today

D

Illegal feet chased down by dark green men

C G

They die in deserts in a daily way

D G

So pull your feet out of the sand

G C

What’s that you smelled today

D G

The bodies rot inside your van

C G

Ignore the sound of levees breaking

D G

Pull your head out of the sand

C G

What’s that you taste today

D G

Your Texas BBQ is grand

C G

Vacationing while others wash away

D G

Pull your head out of the sand

G C

I never thought I’d see the day

D G

Our souls and sanity would float away

C G

A rain would pour like never ‘fore

G` D

And we would hurt like no known day

G D

And we would bleed like no known day

G D

And we would drown like no known day

His Name

Last time I heard his name

Last time I heard his name

Sarg was calling it out

Sarg was calling it out

Never thought I’d hear a quiet man shout

But it flowed and it flowed

Its still flowing now you know

And it flows in the street

And it flows right between my toes

There’s no white here you know

Everything’s sand

Everything’s sand

I heard the back wheels blow

They are gone now that’s how it goes

Never thought I’d hear metal sing

Metal’s a real nasty thing

Must Soon Extricate

You are chopping at my knees

You are breaking down my door

You are filling me with useless stuff

I can’t take it anymore

You are buzzing round my ear

You are blinding my dull eyes

You are messing up my senses

I am twisted I’m tongue tied

And I must soon extricate

I can’t live a life I hate

Its so far away from bliss

There is nothing I will miss

You are scraping my blackboard

You are twisting on the rope

You are getting ever tighter

I have lost what’s left of hope

You are buildings far too high

You are caves so dark and deep

You are boulders pushed up hill

I can’t face what’s much to steep

And I must soon extricate

I can’t live a life I hate

Its so far away from bliss

There is nothing I will miss

You are sinking on a ship

You are crashing on a plane

You are blowing like a dust storm

I will never be the same

You are endings never ending

You’re beginnings not begun

You can make a dull Jack duller

You have swallowed up the sun

And I must soon extricate

I can’t live a life I hate

Its so far away from bliss

There is nothing I will miss

Nocup Blues

E A E

There ain’t nothing but the blues here for me baby

B7

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

A E

In a sea of true contentment, its just hopelessness I see

B7 E

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

A

Don’t talk ‘bout no cup half full

E

No I ain’t got a cup

A

Won’t you please get me one baby

B7

Then darlin fill me up

There ain’t nothing but the blues here for me baby

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

Out there on the horizon my ship’s sinkin in the sea

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

There ain’t nothing but the blues here for me baby

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

Though I beg and beg and beg I got nothing but a desperate plea

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

There ain’t nothing but the blues here for me baby

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

No I can’t buy my happiness and I can’t find it here for free

There ain’t nothing but the blues here now for me

Same Mistakes

D

He gave me no choice in the matter

G

Didn’t take the time to wait

D

Went just like a three strikes batter

G

Slinked off to the clubhouse gate

A

Didn’t leave me time to cry

G

Didn’t leave me time to die

A

Just a lifetime left of wonderin why

G

I’m tryin not to make

D

The same mistakes

G

Don’t I know

D

How they haunt me though

Don’t I need

For my soul to feed

Can’t I go

Or finally fix my hole

D

He gave me no choice in the matter

G

Didn’t take the time to wait

D

Went just like a three strikes batter

G

Slinked off to the clubhouse gate

Same Old

I’m drifting back

Where I rarely go

To a place back when

You were there you know

I try not to stay

In that place too long

Once I barely made it out

Lucky to have this song

And I will fight it slowly

I will never forget

I won’t let it grab me back

With its mighty grip

I must look to forward

I cannot crawl back

It can soon transform me

To the same old Jack

I’m wounded deep

Where it will not heal

It’s a steady stream

That I don’t reveal

I try hard to live

In a place where pain

Can no longer thrive

But it’s just the same

And I will fight it slowly

I will never forget

I won’t let it grab me back

With its mighty grip

The Start

You were there from the start

You put a light in my heart

You were there from the start

You pushed open the doors

Opened them to so much more

You pushed open the doors

I took all of your forms

Those I thought would do no harm

Yes I took all of your forms and so much more

I can see you in my art

Yes I can see you in my eyes

Yes I can see you the way you look at a child

You were there from the start

You put a light in my heart

You were there from the start

You pushed open the doors

Opened them to so much more

You pushed open the doors
You Had To Tell Me I Was Dreaming

You had to tell me I was dreaming

Before I ran into the road

And you just stopped and stood there screaming

That I was more like dumb Tom Joad

My work was driving me to places

That you were never meant to go

And in the end the bathtub’s steaming

But down the drain the words must go

Yes I will never blink or falter

A statue they’ll erect to me

And it is made of alabaster

Just one more thing for you to clean

Stop now that’s not the final picture

For you can cut and paste a dream

Your own choice it is time for choosing

And it is closer than it seems

You had to tell me I was dreaming

Before I ran into the road

And you just stopped and stood there screaming

That I was more like dumb Tom Joad

You Set Me Free

You set me free

When you love me

Rainbows in my mind

But my eyes are

But my eyes still

But my eyes’ still blind

Strings are gone

Warm skin to feel

A bicycle

A spoke a wheel

You set me free

When you love me

Got these rainbows in my mind

But my eyes’ blind

Oh you set me free

When you love me

Shells are breakin’ in my feet

The smell of life is oh so sweet

My love to you from you to me

Baby set the poet in me free

Oh you set me free

When you love me

You set me free

When you love me

A bicycle

Yeah you set me free

When you love me

You set me free

When you love me

You set me free

When you love me

A bicycle

A spoke a wheel

You set me free

You set me free

When you love me

A bicycle

A bicycle

You set me free

When you love me

The Day

Life Expert

4 Poems that Came From 2, from pain released

December Yields

Red raspberries
Picked out of the
Chambers of my
Heart

You gorged and spit
Seeds to lie
Awaiting another
Spring with possibility
Of fruit.



Pomegranates

filled with sticky sweet bud
and slime

seed planted to return to dark
underworld

to a being with no light
and form

passion red fruit eaten in December
juice splashing hope of love

given by a thief
a map back to nowhere.

Abandoned

Because you might be
Caught eating in this
Heart field with
Stolen fruit.
A cowardice of retreat

Gorged fruit left rotting.


Parenthetical Relating

( Inside the boundaries of your parameters, held by the words , "On another note" , I found I existed alongside a mark called parenthetically that was easily addend-ed and so, was lost inside another story)


Can You Have Any Label

Love
Can you exist beating on a door that sees you,
"Borderline, dysfunctional, PDD, Mood disordered "
and worse,
"I'm making your situation worse, through our relating."

Love,
Can you connect the sticky fruits of charms
Moments of buzzing discovery to such twist and turn
and vomit,
Vomiting away feeling, away the touch.

Love,
Are you real?
Real never the construction of this love.
and charade,
Living this charade, I can no longer carry my label.


Coward

You sit behind an encyclopedia of mind
feeling afraid.

Of phone ,connection, voice, of real and time.
A kind of scrolling typeface you sit choosing a font.

You ask nothing.Offer a thing spelled LOVE,
A chimera.

Coward. So turn to your "work"

What is the work of a coward?
Oh, the explanation of life.