A Random Act of Poetry: self portrait

art

there was a bush by the side of the house
the branches formed a feline spine
dried fuzzy balls filled the form
of a last minute art project
that became a grade sitting somewhere
in my hurried hall of make believe

bikes

for twelve dollars when I was fourteen
my first
Dad didn't notice the frame was for a person over six feet and male
bikes pumped
from a kabuki taken by a boyfriend
to shoes I drew
till I was told I couldn't ride ever again

crosses

I've born some
lifted a few
hung a couple
worn a hopi one
looked at them
sent one to a dying woman
made them
hauled my moms
handed them over
but never
lost mine

dandelions

wish upon a star
blow a dandelion
lie back on the grass
feel time

evening

walking home
bitter cold
carrying packages
cigarettes
going up synder
straight up
holding on to thin hope

felt

a very forgiving fabric
helped me make doves
puppets
silly caterpillars
mobiles
the gift of the magi

grass

this takes a minute-
it grew fast
in our yard
i'd pull on a bathing suit
get the mower out
dream that the tan i got
might attract someone
to our hilltop
in a sweating coal mining state
finding me like a marilyn-
admiring my industry
I'm that naive

home

must go where you are
because
i don't know where mine really is

illness

sat down
in my frame
choking from me
a scream

job

raw fear

kids

the first baby
was one in a small room
looking red
hollering
wet diapers
come to church
to my short stint
in the baby room

then it was the twos and threes
assigned to sit
taking candies
to the children
my art teachers'
a friends daughters'
until kids
were my days

love

wasn't like the eromance i just finished
with the guy who took in a waif
determined to protect and defend
touching her hand so slightly
coaxing her to soft sheets
it was more the capacity
to give and give up

memory

there are huge gaps
that sometimes fill like a tide washing in
draggin a world of teeming life
to flounder on my shore

nudes

whatever god did to adam and eve
he must have dosed me with it
double
because I can only look
at a nude when it's so secret an act
that it's forbidden and shameful-
naked truth

opinions

don't ride motorcycles
take care of the poor
never kill
no guns
avoid using margarine
republicans are horrible
no fresca
sports highlights suck
whole language works
neosporin on cuts
karma bites

poppies

glads, dahlias, snaps, cockscomb
violas, violets, pansies, roses
zinnias, snow on the mountain
lilacs, daffodils, crocus, peonies
marrigolds, sage, petunias, morning glories
larkspur, columbines, dogwoods

queens

those older women
that loved me
took on a project
folded, starched, whitened, tucked me away deep in a drawer
life started in a hope chest

rocks

when you can't buy a souvenir
and you don't know why
you want to carry a time or place along with you
you pick up the rocks
storing them in boxes
your stash of yesterdays