All Sons

On The First Day of School

Sometimes in the current accountability age where we work very hard
At transparency, whatever that is
(Try explaining the means to the end)
I look at this photograph of my little one on his first day of school

I look especially hard as I work in my 1st grade room everyday
Arranging a way to reach for the Stars
(Can you believe the irony that called the state tests this?)
My school is pitching into the abyss of "school failure"
My students in poverty in a widening gap.



Meanwhile I'm fending off the feeling that bubbling a test
Might feel important enough to justify this mess I'm in,
Until I look at his face.
And then I think about things from another perspective as a mother,
Or friend to someone that cares about their child's first days
In school.

Lulee met Pepe this very first day, his best friend, that mattered
Mrs. Reeber one of my closest friends as his teacher too.
He liked the blocks, running in the bushes, telling things,
I was called to his school from mine a week
Or so after this picture by an angry, exasperated Principal spouse.

"You have to get over here right now I can't take this."
Luca had taken over the bottom of his desk in playful opposition to the Pirate BlackPete
His name for his father, he was giving no ground, had em by the ba**s.
Stating, "I have you by the bloody ba**s."
I said, "Get out here right now." and we went home, me early,

Stopping for an ice cream and a short talk about the BlackPete's real other job.
"Daddy has Work and Reputation" and I it ended with,
"Just stop with the fits or no doughnuts."
He would get so tired from maintaining at school.

One day he started throwing a tantrum like
He saw on the video of the Angels in the Outfield
Called me "You ass" after we got home
It's an odd feeling to hear your child call you that at 5.
Which was a little funny if you look at him above with his tender little mouth.

In a few weeks of his first school days his teacher (knowing my humor) shared
What happened in the "discussion" that day during Red Ribbon Week
As we pledged country wide to "Just Say No."
(Explaining to the kids no to what was not so easy...)

I'm thinking as she shares this, oh no...where is this one going.
He was frantic with worry over the pending divorce of his parents, she said.
Crying. She was so worried over his crying.
"Where will I live? Who will take care of me?
My father, Black Pete has been drinking beer every night.
He has a serious problem and it's ruining us all."

I chased him that night around the bushes as he started running
The minute she finished telling me.
"I will catch you I said"...I will.
But I actually didn't. It was, however, soon all over the school district
That my son had a beer guzzling pirate Principal for a father who was
Ready or planning to leave us in the nearest ditch.

Luca the actor. He has a flair
I've found this rather irresistible. He's been a good boy.
School has been both good and bad for him.
It's funny today he left another three week project at school
Making yet another mess that gets resolved by complete family catharsis.

It would seem that point values and due dates
Don't quite bring about the linear responsibilities and
Behaviors so loved by the present system in him.
He has tremendous mental discipline and then
Here I am running after him again in the damn bushes, an ass.

He told his 1st grade in the 1st week of school
He was going to be a Pet psychologist
Though deathly afraid of all animals so at the time this
Really made me laugh, but now at 13
He would make a pretty good psychologist for a pet

He is very sensitive to all the animals we keep together.
Luca is an artist. Artists maybe are not so well developed in our schools.
Not anymore. He likes to observe and focus, design and draw.
He tears up a lot of work.
Stops and calls it awful, quits, explodes
Goes to his room and sits alone
Until his sister coaxes him into a better place.

You know what I wish I could do
Take my days teaching to heart all the time, as if I were teaching my own
And find in the relationships, in all my moments the
Heart we find for our babies. The struggle to understand them.


A friend keeps talking to me, in his way
Of the love we have for our children.
It's a mutual understanding of their importance to us
And the love that grows and allows us insight and concern
Empathy and this compassion. It is hard. We are sadly inadequate.

That Confucian cycle of how we can relate one to another in this life.
He reminds me of this, over my words to him, unheard maybe,
Of my son as the best thing that ever happened to me.
But he just popped his sister.


I often think each parent comes to my room
Praying inwardly I'll understand their child this way.
Help them become the best child they can be
Motivate them into caring so much, into finding joy
Into spending a day, everyday, in feeling competent and having friends.

In helping them into wanting to be where they are and not wishing
They were somewhere else feeling adrift and alienated
Wanting to lose the now, it is to this
I look at my son seeing all sons
Knowing schools can transform to create this I think I can help that

My little classroom has a lot of meaning to make
Hearts to motivate and trees to climb
A garden, a play yard, a place to dig in to work hard, a place
Of kindness and understanding where
You learn that the world is mysterious, wondrous
Sometimes I'm the a**, yes.

I still look at this picture as I look at another I drew
Of a child lost in poverty that so wanted to read and know
And I just think, what test am I giving now, really?
What score, what purpose to my reasons.
As I cross the threshold today to prepare the "surprises" for Monday

Oh my crew of little 6 year olds in South Oxnard.
That want so much to find their way into this world.
Looking over as Luca struggles through his homework.
And states he hates what he is doing.